


Don't Make Me Choose

by nightfallgoddess



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pain, Promise, just something that came out of nowhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 21:38:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7138316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightfallgoddess/pseuds/nightfallgoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec, Clay, and Izzy have a lead on Jace's whereabouts after months of searching. Alec is determined to bring him home. Magnus  doesn't feel the same way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Make Me Choose

Magnus watched him quietly, with none if his usual grandeur. He could feel his eyes searching his face, with cat-like intensity. His hands fumbled, as he continued onto the next arrow that he had to rune.

They had argued, earlier, back at Magnus’ place. The first time that either one of them had intentionally raised their voices at each other. They found Jace. Somehow, they received a anonymous tip that Jace was with Valentine on a ship. He had sighed with relief. His parabatai wasn’t lost forever. Alec had to go and find him, even if Jace didn’t want to be found, even if Alec died trying.

And that’s what started the argument. While he was set to go into a suicide mission, Magnus was set to put his foot down when it came to Alec risking his life so blindly. But, how could he not? It was Ja-Jace. His brother. His parabatai. Alec would die for him. Fight a tenfold of demons, break a thousand more Clave rules, even. If it meant he had his parabatai back. Magnus had to understand that. Why didn’t he understand that?

“Alexander.” Alec winced at Magnus’s soft tone. He placed both his arrow and steele down on the weapons room table. He looked up. What he saw made Alec’s heart stop.

Magus’s eyes were in their warlock form. Yellow cat eyes stared at him, with glossy tears making them shimmer like peridots. 

“Magnus. You kno-I can’t not fight for him. This isn’t just anyone. It’s Jace-” Alec voice faltered at the end.

 It’s been a long time since he has been able to say Jace’s name out loud, without the pretense of regret. Regret for not going after him, when Valentine had slithered his murderous hands around his parabatai’s arm, forcing him through the portal. It had taken all his strength to not run after him. But, he had stayed, remembering the words Jace had calmly uttered to him. _Protect Clary_. And he had. But in doing so, he lost a piece of his heart.

 “-please,  don’t make me choose.”

Magnus glanced at the ceiling. “I would never make you choose, Alec. That isn’t what this is about.” His eyes darted back down to Alec’s. 

Alec tried not to dwell on the fact that Magnus had called him Alec. He hasn’t heard that name from Magnus in a very long time and, it made his stomach flip with uneasiness.

“Then what is this about?” Alec asked. “What are you so afraid of, Magnus?”

“You,” Magnus said with shaky voice.

“Me? Why would you be afraid of m-”

“I’m afraid of loving you and then losing you, Alexander!”

A mix of pain and frustration rolled through Alec, sweet-sour as a lemon tart. He wondered if this is what Jace had felt when he had discovered that the girl he had began to fall in love, was really his sister.

Alec forced a smile. “You’re not going to lose me,” Alec assured him. “Izzy, Clary, and Simon will be with me. We’re going to fix it. We’re going to defeat Valentine.”

Magnus’s exhale hissed and rattled in Alec’s heart. “After all this time, you’d think you would learn that, I always know when you’re lying.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Really? Well, figure out if I’m telling a lie when I say this. I  love you, Magnus. And it’s because of you, that I know that I can go to hell, and make it back. It’s because of you, that I had the strength to accept myself for who I am. It’s because of you that I’ve been able to fill the void that Jace left, when he went with Valentine. It has always been you, Magnus. I gave you my strength that one night. But you? You’ve been giving me strength every single day, since. And, I can never tell you how much it means to me.”

A corner of Magnus’s mouth twitched, albeit with sadness. “Why does this sound like a goodbye?” he asked.

Alec shook his head. “Not a goodbye. Never a goodbye. More like, a promise. A beginning.”

He walked to Magnus. It felt very reminiscent of their first kiss. Alec had only been able to look at Magnus. To see someone so powerful, so exquisite, bare his heart out to him. Putting himself up for scrutiny for him…for Alec. And then their lips had touched, sparking a multitude of technicolor emotions. Alec had grabbed onto Magnus’s lapels that day, knowing that without them, he would have fallen to his knees. Even without trying, Magnus gave him strength.

Alec kissed him. None of the nervous bumble of their first kiss. This time, both of them knew each curve and texture of the other’s lips. The sounds and shivers, that each other gave. Magnus wrapped his arms his neck, pulling him deeper and deeper into technicolor emotion. 

“When you get back, you’re going to let me take you on a six month vacation,” Magnus pulled away. “Rome, Germany, Nigeria, Egypt, Indonesia, Iceland, Brazil, Peru…I want to show you what the world has to offer.” Magnus looked at him strongly. But, Alec could still sense fear.

Alec smiled. “I already have what the world has to offer. And it’s you. It will always be you, Magnus.”


End file.
